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| So I walk into work the other day and Frank the stupid jewish manager comes up to me with his huge nose and says,
Frank the douche: "Jesus, I need to have a talk with you in my office."
Me: "Oh great, what the fuck now?"
Frank the douche: "Have a seat Jesus. I spoke with a customer yesterday that says you were very rude and tried to buy her off with a bucket of chicken bits..."
Me: "Man, fuck that fat fuck! That fat whore deserved to be treated like the piece of shit she is!"
Frank the douche: "Jesus, I warned you last time. I have to let you go."
Me: "Fuck you Frank! Remember that hoe Susie? I paid for that hoe you unloyal bastard! I got your ugly ass laid! Fuck you Frank, I'm done with you!"
Then I knocked the lamp off his desk, kicked over his trash can and got the fuck out of there. Bitch was so scared he didn't even ask me for the keys to the store back.
Frank is such a fucking asshole. What the fuck does he care if I chase away the fucking fat idiot customers? He's a fucking manager, not an owner. If that fucking fat bitch never came back his pay wouldn't go down a dime.
I went back that night and took a piss in the soda machine and left I nice fat brown log at the bottom of the deep fryer. Bon appetit bitches!
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| So this afternoon this fat bitch pulls up to the drive through window and starts asking me all these fucked up questions about how many carbs are in our burgers and shit. I kept telling this bitch I didn't know, but she wouldn't drop it, so I said,
"I don't fucking know, you fucking cow! Order something or shut the fuck up and leave!"
The fucking bitch parks the car, somehow squeezed her fat ass through the doorway, and started yelling,
"I want to talk to the manager! Get the manager out here, RIGHT NOW!"
I so wanted to choke that bitch right then and there, but the manager said I'd be fired if I attacked anymore customers. Lucky for me the manager was out to lunch. So I walk up and I'm like,
"Shut the fuck up, bitch! I AM the fucking manager! Look, if you shut up right now, and promise never, ever, to come back here again, I'll give you a bucket of popcorn chicken for free."
So I go back to the deep fryer and fill up a bucket with popcorn chicken. If you've never seen a bucket of popcorn chicken, it's almost 4 liters. That's enough to feed a family of 8, and give them all a heart attack. I hope the bitch likes seafood because I sprinkled some crabs on it. Fresh crabs, fished straight out from my underpants. Who's laughing now, bitch?
The moral of this story: Don't EVER fuck with the guy who is serving your food, especially if he's Jesus... And don't bangs hoes with crabs. | | |
| "...oh and whats your stand on iraq?"
Posted 5/12/2004 at 10:55 PM by underwearbob
"Jesus, I think America definetly needs to bomb more countries. Won't you give America the motivation it needs to do so?"
Posted 5/10/2004 at 11:24 PM by forever_until
Yeah I'm Jesus so I love everyone and all that, but if I can be real about it. I mean real real. Fuck those niggaz, man. Seriously, fuck all those niggaz over in that whole area. Bunch of crazy mother fuckers. You wanna drop a nuke on those fools? I'll press the fucking button myself.
We got these stupid niggaz in Iraq bitching at us for rebuilding their shit, so I say fuck'em. They don't want us to rebuild it? Fuck it then. They can live in little huts made of garbage for all I care.
Afghanistan is even more fucked up than Iraq. The vast majority of their roads are unpaved. Not even all their airports have paved roads. Can you imagine landing a jumbo jet on an unpaved road? They got trucks with missile turrents driving all over the place, but they don't have paved roads. What kinda stupid shit is that? WTF are those fools defending? The desert? They afraid we gonna steal their sandy unpaved roads? Ok, seriously, I know they got some oil or something over there, but wtf are they thinking? Who they selling this shit to? They're selling it to big ass countries like the USA and China. If we were going to raid them and take their oil, their stupid ass missile turrets aren't doing a damn thing. One stealth bomber could probably knock out half of those turrets by itself.
Fucking stupid ass mother fucking towel head mother fuckers. God damn I hate crazy ass third world countries. | | |
| "is obesity bad?"
Posted 5/4/2004 at 9:03 AM by EvilSkittlesRule
Of course it is, nigga! I mean, seriously, wtf are you smoking? And where can I get some of that chronic shit? No one likes likes fat bitches. Appearance tells something about the person. If you're a fat fuck, it's probably because you're too weak minded to control your eating habits.
If you need to lose some weight, let me introduce you to the Jesus Christ 1 step weight loss plan.
Step 1: Eat less, you fucking fat piece of shit!
Yes, it's that God damn simple! You know how Jared lost all that weight on the Subway diet? He cut his calories way down by eating tiny sandwiches with no mayo, oil or cheese. No magic spells or voodoo shit here, just common sense. The bitch barely even got any exercise, he just walked to and from school each day.
Most consider a "healthy" weight loss rate to be at 2 pounds per week or less. Some consider any weight loss unhealthy. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. You know what's more unhealthy than weight loss? A heart attack, you stupid bitch! Put down the fucking whopper and get on the God damn treadmill!
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| So the other night I was applying some cream to cut down on the burning of my herpes, then it hit me. I was like, "What the fuck are you doing Jesus? You're the son of God. You can cure all diseases with a single touch.". I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. I think I need to stop hitting the pipe so hard. So I put on some lezzy pr0n and touched myself; 3 times actually, just to make sure. Bling! Bling! Money! Money! No more herpes! Now all you fine hoes don't have to be afraid to swallow.
If you are a fine bitch and you need to be healed, or you simply want to be touched by Jesus, please send a naked picture of yourself to Jesus_Hector_Christ@hotmail.com. Please do not send a pic if you are fat or ugly, only if you are fine. Peace and love be with you! God bless!
P.S., Jesus likes them shaved and spread. | | |
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